This is the 1st cny without mom. To me, cny is all about having reunion with family and friends. Friends are becoming busy with their own lives and the atmosphere of cny is not as good as last time.

Housechores that I've been doin have kept me occupied for the past few days. I found that I kinda like doin housechores. Luckily I found a book of which I can learn chinese and yeah, there's a tv to accompany my days.

Met up with sot gang and old friends and it's good to catch up with them. Sot 'lao yu sheng" at my home and it tasted really Extraordinary.

Hi all, this is gona be a short post again.Today's lesson is, if u did something wrong, just act like this guy. Everything will be fine.

While thinking about my old friends,ex coursemates, those I enjoyed hanging together with, and those who failed to continue with higher education, I felt a sudden anxiety that I have to move on so that I'm not trapped in the history, the time I had those wonderful feelings mixing around with them. The feeling is indescribable. Although I do continue living my own life, from time to time I'd think of the old memories I had with family and friends. Perhaps it's just a kind of reminiscence that is so strong that I just feel like to go back to the past.

Just as I'm listening to the korean drama songs I downloaded last night, all those I used to watch with my mom at home, they bring me all the memories and moments I had with my mother. I missed her voice so much. I'm so sad that I didn't get to record the video of my mother while she was still around. Now the familiar voice that I'd been listening to for more than 20 years is never heard again. Every day during this time I'll think of her naturally. Every day during this time I'd think of the sudden lost of her, although anticipated. The path of my life is suddenly so vague that I wish to stop. I'm unable to feel the nervousness that the major acca papers are coming. The worse thing in my life has already happened. I don't think failing or getting poor results won't make me any bitter. Being in clear thoughts and trying to be as sensible as I could, I'll do my best to overcome this obstacle.

Have yet to find the discipline to study and to concentrate..

The examination result is gona be released today. I don't feel the slightest nervousness. It's my birthday tomorrow, 24th. I don't feel happy at all. Nothing seems to bother me. I wish everything will come to an end soon.

Take good care of your dogs, don't bully them or mistreat them,otherwise...

10^{th of Sept 2008, the person I loved most passed away. The sudden loss of my mom is still cannot be fully accepted by me. Recalling the weekend that I didn't go back, I remember she had been calling me for 3 or 4 consecutive days before she was admitted into the hospital for the 2nd time in 1 month's time. It's weird she called every day as she would normally call me once or twice a week. I remember it was somewhere around 31st of Aug to 2nd of Sept. She told me she only wanted to hear my voice. I wish to hear her voice too,even now.}

For the 1st time, she said "if I didn't give birth to you, then I probably won't have been infected by Hepatitis C" (It's because the doctor suspect it was the blood transfusion that she got when she gave birth to me 22 years ago). I was surprised to hear that, but she quickly said "but it's also good to have you as a companion". I felt a sudden urge to rush back to see her, as I know her condition is deteriorating.

Her stomach had been bloating for the past few weeks, a sign that her liver is no longer functioning. My greatest fear became reality when my dad called me on Wed 3rd Sept, telling me mom has been admitted to the hospital because of vomiting and telling me she's fine. He told me he was telling me secretly because my mom didn't want me to know about that as I was preparing for the final exam which would start on 20th Sept. I thought she should be fine and so I concentrated on the studies until the coming Saturday, 6th Sept anticipating that my mom would be fine by the time I go back. However, the moment I saw my mom in the hospital with her eyes closed while sitting on the bed, I felt strange. My sister told me my mom didn't even have the energy to open her eyes or to talk. As I glanced through her report beside her bedside I felt so sad and worried.

During the visiting hour around 12.30pm on Sun 7th Sept, I was relieved when I saw my mom drinking water all by herself as she regained a little bit of energy to talk and open her eyes for awhile. Both my sisters and I took care of my mom in the hospital until Sun when both of them have to go back to JB and Singapore respectively. After they went back, I was alone beside my mom with the hope that she would definitely get better as she always would. Around 7.30pm after the visiting hour as I was tnking of going back home,she suddenly wanted to vomit and I was shocked to see that she vomited blood, with some flesh with it. I was totally devastated when she vomited blood for the 2nd time, I knew vomitting blood isn't a good sign for it's 1 of the symptoms of liver cancer.

After my sisters rushed back to the hospital, I was told that my mom had actually vomited blood before being admitted to the hospital. Only then I realized that mom didn't just vomited, she vomited blood.

Things became awful and i could only feel despair for the rest of the days, mon,tue,wed. I never dare to say i love u to mom before. The 1st time I told her was when she was lying unconscious on the bed. I truly hope she heard me.